During this process Adam & I have looked to you to donate money to our adoption fund and many of you have by buying Adam's Book. Thank you so much for that.
Last weekend I was reading a post in a Facebook group that I belong to where someone asked how do I increase my income. Many different viable options were offered and that is when it occurred to me that the best way to find work is to network. Someone must know of jobs out there that I can apply for, or know of someone looking for employees. All of the money that I make will go towards our adoption fund. I'm applying for jobs right now and hoping to get something soon. But if anyone knows of anything please let me know.
Christiana & Adam
Showing posts with label #openadoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #openadoption. Show all posts
Friday, May 16, 2014
Friday, May 9, 2014
Misconceptions about Open Adoption
As Adam and I go further in the adoption process we are answering questions about what open-adoption actually is and how does it work. Whenever I want to define something I start with a definition. Dictionary.com has a good definition "open adoption is arrangement in which contact is maintained or allowed between a child's adoptive and biological parents." Keep in mind that every case is different and contact will vary.
The only thing missing from every definition that I found was love. All I could sense was fear: will the child know who my real parents are; will the child understand the difference; will the child suffer because of open-adoption. The answer to all of the questions revolves around love.
The adoptive parents are the real parents. They are the parents that are around the child everyday; they are the parents that help them when things go wrong and celebrate when things go right; they are the parents that are cheering at little league games. The birth-parents are important because they can help a child understand why they have brown eyes when mom and dad don't.
My favorite: will the child suffer or be teased because of being adopted? Will my child suffer, not if I can help it. I always want to question someone who says that a child will suffer because of open adoption? What will the child suffer from? The answer is usually: not knowing who the real parents are? My answer to them: We are the real parents. With a strong open adoption the child will know the birth parents. But most of all a child can not have too much love and that is what adoption equals.
Adam and I have decided that our child will be raised with love, honor, integrity, honesty and courage. Hate is something that has to be taught the default is love. When you raise a child with love that is what the child will seek out in life.
The only that I can say is when you chose open adoption you chose to give someone the gift of raising your child. There is a perception that the birth-parent can say: Thanks for raising junior for the past six years but I want him back now. That is not true I don't know about all 50 states but in Oregon an adoption is final when the papers are signed. The birth-parents can change their mind until those papers are signed but once they are signed it is done. I find it astounding that someone would believe that it would be okay to give me a child and then take it back years later just because they could. I am so thankful for the laws that do not allow that.
As I am typing this I am reminded of a quote by Martin Luther King Jr who said: "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." When we shine a light on open-adoption then and only then will the fear go away. Along with telling our story of adoption it is our goal to shine a light where there is no light and drive the fear of open-adoption out.
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Choose Life, Choose Adoption
An interesting thing about human nature. People will follow the rules until they run across one that they don't believe in. You can pass and enact all the laws in the world, but if people don't agree with them, they won't follow them. The only real way to get people to follow what you are trying to change is to change people's attitudes and beliefs.
An example of this is abortion. Currently there are few restrictions on abortion as opposed to many years ago when there were many more laws restricting the act. This has created lots of debate about whether or not how much or how little should abortion be allowed. But one point is constantly missed, no one believes that abortion is a good thing. There may be argument over whether or not it is necessary, but no one embarrasses it as a positive thing.
No woman has ever found out that she was pregnant and with great excitement decided how terrific it is to now go and get an abortion. No sane woman that is. I cannot imagine what the thought process is and what emotions and feelings a woman has when she finds out she is pregnant. If a woman has made up her mind to have an abortion, no laws will stop her if that is what she wants.
A better solution than trying to repeal or pass more laws is to change people's mindset. If adoption is promoted as an alternative to abortion, there is a chance that the mother may not abort her child. Through education and promoting a choice of allowing your child to be placed with a loving family, more women my opt for adoption. The most common reason why women consider abortion is that they don't believe they will be able to raise their child. Showing them that open adoption works and that their child will not disappear after she gives birth may help them change their mindset about abortion.
As a society we need to promote adoption as another way for people to have a family or expand their family. When we removed the negative stigma of adoption it will become a viable solution for an unwanted pregnancy. This will not work in all circumstances, but for every child that is adopted is one less that is aborted. This is how we can change the mindset of abortion one pregnancy at a time.
You may ask is this a concept that everyone can get behind? I truly believe so. If you are pro-life then you would support open adoption to help save the life of the child. If you are pro-choice you would support open adoption since the child will have a loving family and it doesn't force the birth mother to raise a child she wouldn't have been able to. Solutions are forged when common ground is found between two conflicting beliefs. In the case of abortion the solution is open adoption.
An example of this is abortion. Currently there are few restrictions on abortion as opposed to many years ago when there were many more laws restricting the act. This has created lots of debate about whether or not how much or how little should abortion be allowed. But one point is constantly missed, no one believes that abortion is a good thing. There may be argument over whether or not it is necessary, but no one embarrasses it as a positive thing.
No woman has ever found out that she was pregnant and with great excitement decided how terrific it is to now go and get an abortion. No sane woman that is. I cannot imagine what the thought process is and what emotions and feelings a woman has when she finds out she is pregnant. If a woman has made up her mind to have an abortion, no laws will stop her if that is what she wants.
A better solution than trying to repeal or pass more laws is to change people's mindset. If adoption is promoted as an alternative to abortion, there is a chance that the mother may not abort her child. Through education and promoting a choice of allowing your child to be placed with a loving family, more women my opt for adoption. The most common reason why women consider abortion is that they don't believe they will be able to raise their child. Showing them that open adoption works and that their child will not disappear after she gives birth may help them change their mindset about abortion.
As a society we need to promote adoption as another way for people to have a family or expand their family. When we removed the negative stigma of adoption it will become a viable solution for an unwanted pregnancy. This will not work in all circumstances, but for every child that is adopted is one less that is aborted. This is how we can change the mindset of abortion one pregnancy at a time.
You may ask is this a concept that everyone can get behind? I truly believe so. If you are pro-life then you would support open adoption to help save the life of the child. If you are pro-choice you would support open adoption since the child will have a loving family and it doesn't force the birth mother to raise a child she wouldn't have been able to. Solutions are forged when common ground is found between two conflicting beliefs. In the case of abortion the solution is open adoption.
Friday, April 11, 2014
Adoption not Abortion
There is one common thread about adoption and abortion, almost everyone has the same feeling about them. No one I know likes abortion. I am not making an argument in favor or against it, people who know me know my personal position on the issue. But people will debate and take strong positions over if abortion should be legal or restricted or illegal, yet no one will say that it is good thing. Of this there is agreement. Conversely on adoption, almost everyone likes adoption. Not many people have done it, but when people here that you are pursuing it, you get kind words of support.
Now combining these two issues is an important thing to do, they need to work hand in hand. Every adopted child is one less child aborted. No matter where you stand on the abortion issue this is something you can't argue against. There are many families who want to adopt a child, Chris and myself as one of them. And I hope that if a woman is thinking about abortion to be told that there are many people like us who can't have children of our own and want to raise a family.
For me I see it as a win-win-win situation. This is where open adoption comes into play. The first win is for Chris and myself as we get the opportunity to raise a child and give them all the love and opportunity that we can provide for them. The second win is for the birth mother who will know that her child is going to get the upbringing that she may have not been able to provide for the child. And since she will become part of our family, and hopefully her family too, she will be a part of the child's life and not have the mystery of where her child went. And most importantly is the third win, the child gets to be born and live.
Now combining these two issues is an important thing to do, they need to work hand in hand. Every adopted child is one less child aborted. No matter where you stand on the abortion issue this is something you can't argue against. There are many families who want to adopt a child, Chris and myself as one of them. And I hope that if a woman is thinking about abortion to be told that there are many people like us who can't have children of our own and want to raise a family.
For me I see it as a win-win-win situation. This is where open adoption comes into play. The first win is for Chris and myself as we get the opportunity to raise a child and give them all the love and opportunity that we can provide for them. The second win is for the birth mother who will know that her child is going to get the upbringing that she may have not been able to provide for the child. And since she will become part of our family, and hopefully her family too, she will be a part of the child's life and not have the mystery of where her child went. And most importantly is the third win, the child gets to be born and live.
Thursday, April 3, 2014
The Process: home-study vist
Now back to our journey that will hopefully end in an adoption.
Our home-study seemed to go well. The person from Open Adoption and Family Services came out to our house to interview us and to do a walk through. She had a check list that struck me as funny since some of the things were: do you have running water; do you have heat; do you have a working phone. Yes of course we do and in my opinion you should not consider adding to your family if you do not.
The only things Adam and I have to add is a smoke detector in the kids room. There is one right outside but the law requires it to be inside the room so Adam can add one for little cost. We also have to write out an escape plan. Our house is pretty straight forward but since it is required it will be done.
Turns out that the home-study visit was compressed in other words a couple of visits were combined into one since Adam and I have been waiting for so long to meet with the counselor from Open Adoption and Family Services. I have to admit that it is freaky to watch someone write down everything you say and still manage to ask follow up questions. I did get used to quickly but still.
The questions were not that bad even-though they cover your life; your career; your relationships with friends and family and anything else that you can think of. The questions all needed to be asked because a birth parent may use this document as a resource for whether or not they will choose you to raise their child. A birth parent may see the home-study before they meet you and that is why it must be so detailed.
Knowing and understanding that did not make answering the questions easier it made it possible to know that it was going to be used for a good cause. That cause is the writing of the home-study and hopefully will end in an adoption for Adam and I.
The home-study being finalized means that Adam and I are one step closer to pool entry. Wow those are scary words to write.
So now is the time to remind you to please purchase your copy of Taste the Purple.
Our home-study seemed to go well. The person from Open Adoption and Family Services came out to our house to interview us and to do a walk through. She had a check list that struck me as funny since some of the things were: do you have running water; do you have heat; do you have a working phone. Yes of course we do and in my opinion you should not consider adding to your family if you do not.
The only things Adam and I have to add is a smoke detector in the kids room. There is one right outside but the law requires it to be inside the room so Adam can add one for little cost. We also have to write out an escape plan. Our house is pretty straight forward but since it is required it will be done.
Turns out that the home-study visit was compressed in other words a couple of visits were combined into one since Adam and I have been waiting for so long to meet with the counselor from Open Adoption and Family Services. I have to admit that it is freaky to watch someone write down everything you say and still manage to ask follow up questions. I did get used to quickly but still.
The questions were not that bad even-though they cover your life; your career; your relationships with friends and family and anything else that you can think of. The questions all needed to be asked because a birth parent may use this document as a resource for whether or not they will choose you to raise their child. A birth parent may see the home-study before they meet you and that is why it must be so detailed.
Knowing and understanding that did not make answering the questions easier it made it possible to know that it was going to be used for a good cause. That cause is the writing of the home-study and hopefully will end in an adoption for Adam and I.
The home-study being finalized means that Adam and I are one step closer to pool entry. Wow those are scary words to write.
So now is the time to remind you to please purchase your copy of Taste the Purple.
Friday, March 14, 2014
Christiana's Story
One of the forms that Adam and I had to fill out was a health form. It was pretty straight forward till I got to the operation and hospitalization part on my form.
Here is what part of it looked like:
Hospitalizations/Operations: Date and Description
August 2008 aneurysm
September 2011 hysterectomy
Does not look too bad if you consider that I was over 40 at the time and then you look at the time span and you realize that all of that happened within five years of each other. That is when you realize that a lot has happened to me in that five years.
Here is the background story I had ruptured aneurysm almost six years ago. One thing about the aneurysm is that it could have killed me in fact 80% of those that have the type that I do end up not making it. I recovered fully but was told that I should not get pregnant since my body could not handle the stress.
I had a full hysterectomy three years later and when a biopsy was done cancer was found. I was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer Stage One C which meant that cancer was found in both of my fallopian tubes and both ovaries.
My health is the main reason why Adam and I have chosen to grow our family through adoption.
Here is what part of it looked like:
Hospitalizations/Operations: Date and Description
August 2008 aneurysm
September 2011 hysterectomy
Does not look too bad if you consider that I was over 40 at the time and then you look at the time span and you realize that all of that happened within five years of each other. That is when you realize that a lot has happened to me in that five years.
Here is the background story I had ruptured aneurysm almost six years ago. One thing about the aneurysm is that it could have killed me in fact 80% of those that have the type that I do end up not making it. I recovered fully but was told that I should not get pregnant since my body could not handle the stress.
I had a full hysterectomy three years later and when a biopsy was done cancer was found. I was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer Stage One C which meant that cancer was found in both of my fallopian tubes and both ovaries.
My health is the main reason why Adam and I have chosen to grow our family through adoption.
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