So Much Has Happened......

  Just realized that this blog has not been updated since early December when we knew that we had been chosen by a birth mother.  Well, a lot has happened since then.  And if you haven't following us on Facebook, you might not be up to date.
  The last post mentioned that we were going to have our second meeting on December 6th.  The meeting went well, we talked about the hospital stay, how many times we will meet minimum each year, how often to send photos and other items relating to the adoption.  The baby was expected in about a week, so we all figured that we would stay in contact over the weekend and be prepared for next week.
  Except it didn't go as planned.  It never does.
  The next day at 3:45 pm I get a phone call from the birth mother that her water broke.  We were going to try and take her to the hospital, so I immediately left work.  Chris called the birth mother back to keep her calm and got one of the adoption agency councilors on the phone to help.  It was decided that the best course of action was to call 911 and take an ambulance to the hospital.  Turns out this was the best decision.
  Besides us getting stuck in traffic trying to drive to Portland, and any of you who live out here know what we mean, we got to the hospital at 5:30 pm.  We get to the maternity area and find out that our daughter was born twenty two minutes earlier at six pounds and eight ounces.  She was breach and had a foot coming out when she arrived at the hospital.  A cesarean was performed and the birth mother lost a lot of blood.  While she was recovering we got to see our little angel who was then taken to NICU because her breathing was a bit off.
  I will be honest to admit that I did get pains in my chest.  Breathing issues?  Neonatal intensive care?  All of the staff reassured me that this is normal and she is doing well.  Because she was born breach there is usually an issue with breathing which they monitor and will clear they say.  I trust them, but still I am afraid.
  Randall's Children Hospital, next to Legacy Emanuel in North Portland, has done probably the smartest thing I have ever seen.  The walls in the hallways of NICU are covered with pictures of babies with tubes sticking out of them, and above a picture of them grown up.  You see a photo of a baby that couldn't weigh more than two pounds struggling to breathe, and then a picture of that same child when they are sixteen, weighing three hundred pounds and playing offensive lineman for their high school football team.  And all the photos are the same, a small frail child and them healthy years later.
  We go and see our daughter, whom we have finally confirmed her name, Edith Frances Jordyn Mayer.  Edith was my paternal grandmother, Frances is a variation of my wife's grandfather Francis, and Jordyn is the name that the birth mother gave to the child.  We felt it would be a sign of respect to add that as a middle name for our daughter.  Edith is sleeping soundly and we are told she is doing fine.  So we head back to check on the birth mother to make sure she is recovering.
  After about an hour we are finally updated by a nurse who explains that she is still sedated from surgery and lost a lot of blood.  Otherwise, she is fine and no other complications.  We tell the nurse to let her know that we were here, we will be back tomorrow and for her to call us as soon as she wakes up.
  We go back to NICU and are told that Edith is fine and she no longer needs to be in NICU.  This is reassuring, but since Randall's doesn't have a standard maternity ward, they place the newborns with the parents in a room to take care of them the first day.  We explain to the nurses that we are not the parents yet since we will be adopting her, but mostly the hospital stay is for the birth mother.  We didn't feel right to move her before the birth mother even got the chance to hold her.  We are doing an open adoption, and part of that is making sure you are respectful of the birth mother.  Thankfully we are told that Edith can stay overnight.
  After a number of phone calls updating family, and being unable to get any sleep, we head back out the next morning to visit.  First stop is to pick up a donated car seat.  Then I stopped in at work to get my medical coverage updated for our new child.  Then another stop for a pack and play, and other generous donations before we head back to the hospital.
  I do want to take a moment and thank everyone who has been so kind and generous with all of the gifts, donations, and essential items given to us.  It has warmed our heart and all of us, Edith, Chris and myself and so very grateful.
  Before we walked into the hospital, the wife and I were talking about how long we would stay, making sure that the birth mother and baby are doing well, and get out of their hair until Saturday.  We were planning on meeting up with some friends as we had been doing every Friday night for a while, knowing that this would be the last time for a long time.  But when we arrived to check in, we were presented a possibility neither one of us expected.
  We were told to go to the new child ward and speak with the Social Worker immediately.  When we go into the ward the hospital Social Worker greeted us with "Thank goodness you're here!"  Since the birth mother was still sedated and receiving another transfusion of blood, they got a room for us next to her, and we were going to have to take care of the baby.
  First we checked on the birth mother and found out she was doing fine.  Chris stayed behind and waited for Edith to be brought up, I headed back out to get food, clothing, and take care of things since we were not going to be home for a while.  I race home, feed the cats, get a change of clothing for us, hit the supermarket, and drive back to the hospital.
  When I got back, Edith had made her way into the room, and our hearts.  I had the opportunity to hold my daughter the first time.  The picture is rather funny, I look like I am holding a Ming vase.  But the hospital was wonderful with nurses who showed us how to change her diapers, how to feed her, how to burp her, how to hold her, how to swaddle her, how to put her to sleep.  Basically everything that you need to know they are there to show you.  And trust me, both of us needed to be shown and needed lots of practice.
  Saturday I ran home to prepare Edith's room and pick up more supplies.  Sunday we signed all the paperwork and left the hospital with our baby daughter.  She will be ours legally in a few months once the paperwork goes through the courts, but until then she gets to live with us.  The first night we put her pack and play in our room, and I will admit I got up a number of times to check on her.  I take comfort in knowing that I'm not the first parent to do this.
  As I write this post, Edith is now ten weeks old.  She is eating like a champion, sleeping very well, in fact better than most other babies, and is healthy.  While our journey to adoption may have ended, our time as a family has just started and we are so excited for the future.  That is until she wants to borrow the car keys........

Adoption Update - December 2nd, 2017

  I've learned that when you least expect something to happen, that's when it will happen.  I know that isn't very profound, but I have found that life works that way.  Sometimes what happens is good, but many times it isn't.  A few weeks ago one of these moments happened that was good.
  As many of you know, we have been trying to adopt for a long time now.  We first decided in 2012 to start the process.  Over the next two years we saved money, worked on all of out paperwork, background checks, and a homestudy before we entered the adoption pool.  When you enter the pool you are waiting for a birthmother to choose you as parents.  There is no set time, or any guarantee that you will be chosen.  I believe the current average wait time at our adoption agency is about eighteen months.
  We entered the pool about three years ago.  Over that time we have been waiting.  Occasionally we would get a screening email, basically an email listing certain risks that the birthmother may have, such as has taken some drugs during the pregnancy.  Please note that all drugs are not the same and don't always affect the pregnancy as negatively as others.  When these emails would show up, usually on average about one every month or two, we would talk it over and decide to allow our family book to be presented to the birthmother.
  In early November one such email arrived.  When these emails are sent out you have a window of time to respond.  Sometimes it is as short as a few hours, other times you may have a few days.  The wife and I talked it over, and as we always do told the adoption agency that we would like our family book to be presented.  The adoption agency informs you that unless you are chosen, you won't be hearing from them again.  This is due to high number of screenings, they are unable to follow up with each family.  So just like the past few years, I send off an acknowledgement not expecting to hear anything else.
  A week and a half later I am at work in a meeting.  Out of habit, and not to be rude, I silence my phone and leave it in my pocket.  It was a short meeting that was less than a half an hour, but when I checked my phone at the end of the meeting I noticed that I had gotten four phone calls, a voicemail and an email from the adoption agency.  This is where the confusion starts.
  I listen to the voicemail and it was someone from the adoption agency asking me to call them back.  The email was actually another screening for a child that will be born in February.  The wife called saying that we were chosen.  Now I am trying to absorb everything that is going on.  It wasn't easy.
  The email that arrived was completely unrelated, but have to admit the timing was perfect.  I was able to reach the person who contacted me from the adoption agency, get the wife on the call, and she verified that there is a birthmother who is due in December who wants us to be the parents.  The first step is to schedule a meeting with her to see if we all feel comfortable with the idea of having an adoption and see if we can form a relationship.  Since this is going to be an open adoption, this is a very important step.
  Two weeks later we all met.  We spent and hour talking in the office getting to know one another.  Then we went off and got some coffee and spent more time talking.  We all left feeling good about our decisions.  The birthmother wants us to be the parents, and we want to build a connection with her and raise the child.
  Our next meeting is coming up this Wednesday December 6th.  This will be more of a formal meeting to go over details and get ready for the birth which is tentatively scheduled for December 10th.  After the next meeting, another update will be posted to let you know what will be happening next.  And as always, thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers.

My Speech at Dorchester

This past weekend my wife and I attended the Dorchester conference held annually in Seaside.  We don't always make it every year, but decided to live it up this year.  The conference is still the same, except for a new feature during the Saturday session where delegates were allowed to "sound off" on any topic they like for one minute.

For those of you not familiar with Dorchester, it is a political conference started by Senator Bob Packwood in 1965.  The normal conference starts Friday night with introductions of the current Republican leadership in the House and Senate.  On Saturday the attendees are broken up in tables of ten and have topics of discussion and range from moderate issues to controversial.  By Sunday most people are hung over or on their way back home and usually a straw poll to finish things off.

So this year Representative Bill Post, a former radio talk show host, ran a session that allowed anyone the opportunity to go up to one of the microphones on the floor and take one minute to speak on any topic they like.  The rules were pretty simple, you couldn't speak in favor or against a candidate, proper rules of speaking decorum, and you had one minute when a hotel lobby bell would ring.

I decided that I would use this as an opportunity to talk about how we need to move past pro-life and pro-choice and unite together under the cause of pro-adoption.  I jotted down a few notes and went up to one of the floor microphones.  As I waited I ran through what I would say in my head.  But as I realized that I will be speaking in about a minute, I felt a wave of nervousness come over me.  This was very strange since I almost always have no problem speaking in front of people at any time.

I started by explaining that this is an issue that is very important to me and told everyone that they may know that my wife and I are in the process of adopting a child.  I told the convention that I am pro-adoption and explained how the pro-life and pro-choice sides can agree with me.

As for pro-choice, adoption is a choice too and should always be the first choice.  It won't make abortion illegal so if you are pro-choice you can support this.  And for those who are pro-life, you need to realize that just telling the birth-mother not to abort the child is not enough.  That child will need a loving family to raise it and the pro-choice side is right to call us out on that.

Then I lost my place and the emotion took over.

I froze up.  I felt my voice crack.  I felt like I was going to cry.  I looked over to my left to see my wife running towards me.  She put her arms around me to comfort me and gave me the courage to go on.

I explained that at this very moment there are tens of thousands of families ready to take a child into their homes.  I finished with stating that it has been over forty years now and we have gotten nowhere but continuous fighting.  We need to move past pro-life and pro-choice and find common ground and promote pro-adoption.  Because we need to do what's best for the children.

I remember hearing applause.  I also remember looking at the stage and thinking I know I had to have gone over one minute, but I think because I had so much emotion in my voice (translation: cracking voice) I guess they were going to let me finish.  I sat down and drank some water and after a few minutes I felt calm again.

Later on people started to come up to me and thank me for what I said.  Others were interested in what being pro-adoption is about and asked me questions.  Everyone I talked with was positive and encouraging.

I truly believe that I helped change some people's minds about adoption.  But this is only a start, I plan to write more about this.  The only way we will find solutions is to find common ground that all sides can agree to.  This is why I am pro-adoption.

Our Adoption Book

  One of the nice things about using an adoption agency is that they help you promote yourself to potential birth-mothers.  So we created a family scrapbook about our lives, what we enjoy doing, where we live, our friends, our family and our hopes and aspirations.
  There were two different sites they recommended, ended up choosing Shutterfly because they looked the most user friendly.  Even though I am considered to be the King of Scrapbooking, I prefer to play that close to the vest.  Of course if you asked Chris she would deny this, which actually works well into my plan.
  After reviewing hundreds of photos, and working on layout, fonts and what to say, we created our family book.  Six copies were printed, four of them are in the Portland office to be checked out and two were sent to the Seattle office.  Please look it over and a funny story about the book came up last night which I will talk about below.

  Last night I was at a meeting with other parents who are in the adoption pool from our agency.  We were talking before the meeting started and someone said that they really liked our family book.  I was taken by surprise, mainly since I forgot that it is on our adoption page.  But was very appreciative that they liked it and used some of my design.  But what she like the most was the fonts.
  Here's what is so funny about that statement.  When I was doing the layout, and getting regular sign off from the boss, I decided to use as many of the fonts that they provided.  How could I resist, there were over 40 of them!  All of them like a shinny red button, calling out "Use Me, Use Me!"  What was I supposed to do?
  Well pretty much everyone who looked over the book said two things, the layout is amazing and you really need to fix those fonts.  I gave in and set them all to the same font, something normal like Arial, and finished the book.
  Getting back to last night, being so honest I admitted that the fonts looked great since everybody told me to change them.  It takes a big man to admit when he is wrong, thankfully I'm not that big.

Our Adoption Video

  One of the benefits of registering with an adoption agency is that they take care of everything.  This includes promoting us to potential birth mothers why we would be a good family to have adopt their baby.  Our agency, Open Adoption & Family Services, filmed us last year just before one of our homestudy interviews.
  So they give you a heads up about what they want to you talk about.  While the temptation to make fun of each other was very strong, we both decided to take it seriously.  The answers are not scripted, no teleprompter, and all done in one take.  Not saying I'm deserving of an Oscar, but a Golden Globe nomination would be in order.
  Please watch the video and then read below for a great story about the hidden joke at the end.

  When Chris says that we can buy a bigger turkey for Thanksgiving, this is a reference to our first Thanksgiving in 1994.  We were just newlyweds and for the first time we were going to have Thanksgiving dinner at our apartment.  Only two other guests were coming and one didn't eat turkey.  As many of you know, I pretty much do all of the cooking.  But at the time I was going to have to work on Thanksgiving during the day, meaning my wonderful wife would have to cook the turkey.
  A week earlier I went to the local supermarket to get a turkey.  I was given very strict instructions that I could not come back into the apartment with a turkey bigger than eight pounds.  All they had were frozen turkeys and the smallest one was a fraction under twelve pounds.  I came home, put it the freezer with the weight tag clearly showing if you opened up the refrigerator.  When asked if it was an eight pound turkey, I responded with it's a heavy eight pound turkey.
  Fast forward to Thanksgiving morning, the bird is almost defrosted.  I help Chris get everything prepped and then go to work.  A few hours later I get a phone call from my wonderful wife.

Chris: Honey, how big was that turkey?
Me: (not noticing the annoyance in her voice) It was a heavy eight pound turkey.
Chris: How heavy?
Me: (realizing that my jig was up) About four pounds heavy.

  Turns out that one of the guests showed up and immediately melted a few sticks of butter to baste the bird and asked Chris how big the turkey was.  When she responded that it was eight pounds our friend said that is not an eight pound turkey.  And when I got home I had to pay the piper, but explained that I tried to find an eight pound turkey, nearly getting frostbite on my fingers going through the turkeys.  Maybe it was the spirit of Thanksgiving, or that we were in our second month of marriage the reason that she forgave me.  But the reality was there was a lot of wine during that meal, a whole lot of wine.
  It has become a running joke about me getting a heavy eight pound turkey over the years.  But seriously I do love cooking Thanksgiving and always look for a reason to get a bigger bird.  So if you have nowhere to go on Thanksgiving this year please come over to our house.  I can get another heavy eight pound turkey by at least another ten pounds.

SPLASH!!! (We're now in the adoption pool)

That's right, the splash you heard was us entering the adoption pool and not your roof leaking (a joke for our fellow Oregonians).  It has taken sometime to get everything sorted out and completed, which is why there hasn't been a post for a while.  But we are now one step closer and here is a summary of what has happened so far.

This past year we were working on our home study.  A home study is part of the screening process for an adoption.  It involves a number of interviews, an inspection of your home, and tons of paperwork.  Once it has been completed and approved you are eligible to adopt a child.  This was finally completed for us a few months ago.

After the home study the next step is to enter into the adoption pool with our agency.  Now we could have gone out on our own, but we don't have the experience, knowledge or time to do this.  The nice thing about our adoption agency is that they cover everything from soup to nuts.  Of course this does cost more.

As well it was during the election season and with Chris working full time on a political campaign.  If we got the call which could come at any time, it would have been very difficult to drop everything.  Add to that we needed to raise the money to enter the adoption pool with our agency.  Again, thank you to everyone who has been very generous in helping with our finances.  You can make an online donation here and every penny will go towards the final costs of our adoption.

Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers.  And if you know of someone who is looking for a family to adopt, please keep us in mind.  You can refer them to our page.

A feel good story

This has been a long week for both Adam and I. After realizing that I needed a post for today I ran across this story on facebook. A mom who chose life for her daughter granted not in a way that anyone would prefer but she chose life.

Enjoy the story and have great Memorial Day Weekend.